January 2009

January is my least favorite month by far...I don't know whether or not to attribute my current state to the frigid weather and dark skies or to something else. Singlehood is at times so confusing to me that it's tempting to want to latch on to someone and let the direction of their life determine mine. I'm scared, and I'm ashamed of that. I guess I'm kind of admitting that I allowed a lot of Noah's control in my life because I'm not confident enough to control my own life, and that embarrasses me. I'm 28 years old. The problem is that when I feel out of control and there's no one to steer me around I resort to old methods of dealing with it, like the eating disorder and panic attacks. The newest plan, which I think is the best one so far, is to take the LSAT in June and wait for 2010 to start Law School. In the meantime I will work, get a new car, possibly move, and build my life somewhere new. I will try not to disappoint you!