Sleep

I want to crawl into a dark hole while time passes backwards until the evening of October 11th, 1980, so I can start all over. I am disappointing to myself (and others, I fear). I entertain vicious thoughts towards Noah. I've been reliving the events of August 4th, 2008; I don't feel any one way about them. They depress and horrify me; I also know I was ultimately saved from the untimely death of all my dreams. But as it is my dreams are struggling to stay alive, as is my hope. I'm sure it makes me a coward to say that I would rather not be here, but at this point I'm not concerned about it. I am tired in so many ways, I want to sleep for good........