Ouch...

The knife keeps twisting deeper through my heart, although I can only be thankful for what I've escaped. Noah has a girlfriend; I don't know how long they've been seeing each other, but I have an idea. I don't think I was out of the picture. I could never describe how much this hurts and releases me at the same time. I can only imagine the disdain he held for me in his heart while I loved him shamelessly; now he's gone and I see him for the person he is, and I'm horrified. I will never be the same person I was; I hope that's a good thing, but in so many ways I've lost innocence and trust. And a huge portion of my heart. I feel myself hardening and looking at men in a different light. I don't want to become someone who uses people, but I don't want to trust again.