Pondering

I have never experienced so much restlessness and penetrating sadness in my life. I want to run somewhere and get lost; I don't want anyone to be able to find me. Lately this question keeps running through my head: who does that? Don't most people, even couples who have been dating or married forever, break up better than this? Aren't there usually conversations and crying and conclusions that are come to semi-mutually? Who does this?? I cast around in my mind for answers; here are some of them: He must think I'm not a real person. I must be that worthless to him. There's something wrong with who I am that I don't know about. He must not be a real person. He's just that much of a coward. I've done something to deserve this.



I just can't wrap my mind around the cowardice and disdain it would take to go about things this way. As much as I have realized he's not who I thought he was, somehow I thought he was at least better than this...